It’s almost like watching a movie. You’re back from university now, in the shower, and you’re just reclined there against the back of the tub, hot water falling on you, like every night before you left for school. Except, it’s different now. You’re not really there. Or at least, you are there, but it doesn’t matter. Your body’s like a dumb animal, pushed to work and pleasure, while your mind is separate. Like a hazy train ride, or a waking dream.
It even happens in dreams. Is that weird? There’s no poetic flourish to this. It’s like growing old prematurely. And you don’t even care. Now, at one point you did. You went through every bit of practical wisdom out there, looking for some philosophical insight that’ll bring you back your humanity, hoping that the exercises might flip some switch and make you feel again. But the months keep passing, and life is like a parody of itself. Can you remember your childhood? Your interests? What’s happened to you?
